


Worthless Priceless?

by HPFandom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mpreg, Romance, Self-Harm, Sexual Content, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-01-24
Updated: 2007-02-22
Packaged: 2018-10-01 09:11:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10185887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HPFandom_archivist/pseuds/HPFandom_archivist
Summary: After Harry defeated Voldemort, he thought he would die.   But someone still needed him, so he stayed.  Now, he has reason to doubt that he was needed.  Can he be convinced that he is needed?





	1. Chapter 1: Priceless?

**Author's Note:**

> Note from SeparatriX, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [HP Fandom](http://fanlore.org/wiki/HP_Fandom_\(archive\)), which was closed for health and financial reasons. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [HP Fandom collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/hpfandom/profile).

Title: Worthless or Priceless?  
Author: Swirly  
Pairing: Harry/Draco  
Summary: After Harry defeated Voldemort, he thought he would die. But someone still needed him, so he stayed. Now, he has reason to doubt that he was needed. Can he be convinced that he is needed?  
Rating: M/R (NC-17?)  
Warnings: Mpreg, Attempted suicide, Lemon

Chapter One: Priceless?

Harry stared down at his arm sadly. There really was nothing left for him anymore. Everything that he had thought he had to live for, was all a lie. A ruse to keep him alive. Ha. 

The only reason he had woken up at all, from that peaceful existence where he had been after the final battle against Lord Voldemort, Tom Riddle, had been because of them. But they had lied to him. They didn’t need him. He was useless, just as he had always been, just as he would always be. He wanted to go back, where the pain couldn’t reach him, where the sadness didn’t overwhelm him. He needed to go back. As he sat starring down at his wrist, he looked again at the bejeweled dagger that lay between his thighs. He sat back against the wall, and tilted his head back. As much as he wanted to go back to that place, something nagged him at the back of his head. Something he was missing.

He glanced back at the dagger. Maybe that was it. It was too beautiful to be stained by his worthless blood, his useless blood. Also, the mess it would cause would be too much. He didn’t want to leave behind a mess for him to clean, to prove even more, for all time, just what a useless being he was. His mind whirled over all the different ways that he could leave this plane of existence. He laughed humorlessly at himself. He couldn’t even say it to himself. He might as well admit it to himself, he wanted to kill himself. End his life for ever. After all, what was there left for him to do?

Ron and Hermione had their life together with their two children. The rest of the Weasleys, who had all made it through the war, no thanks to him of course, had all moved on with their lives. They had all settled down with their significant others, and produced children with them. None of them had a need for Harry in their lives. He had brought nothing but harm and heartache to any of them. His mind struggled past thoughts of them, and settled on his friends from school. Ha. As if he had been a very good friend to any of them. Neville and Luna were also married with their first child on the way, and talking of adopting their five foster children, orphans of the war. The rest of the old crowd from the DA, were also settled into their lives. As had the rest of the wizarding world.

Thinking of Luna and Neville’s orphans, brought to mind the orphanage that he had started, and all the children he had helped find loving families to take them in. The orphanage now stood empty, but was still there, so that when a child was left parentless and homeless in the future, they would have a place to go. There were even two Ministry workers that were responsible for taking care of and looking after all of the orphaned children, so that Harry no longer had anything to do with it. The children no longer needed him either, which was just as well, because it was his fault in the first place that they had been left without their parents.

His mind wandered onto HIM. Harry had thought that he at least needed him. But it turned that he had never needed Harry at all. HE had thought Harry needed him. HE had finally broken it to Harry this morning, that the last six years had been a lie. Of course not in those words, but that’s what they had meant to Harry. His lover, Draco Malfoy, had finally told him that he had never needed Harry. Ever. He went over the incident from just that morning in his mind.

~*~*~ 

“Harry, you can’t keep doing this to me. I don’t need you to do every little thing for me. In fact, I don’t need you to do anything for me. I never have. I just want you to be with me. But it’s getting to be too much, Harry. You’re so clingy all the time. Maybe we should take a break, and I can give you some space to reevaluate your life. Ever since you finished up with the orphanage, all you’ve done is be at home, and do nothing.” He stopped and looked Harry in the eye, “Look, you don’t have to make a decision right now. I’ll see you after I get back from the office. I’ll be late tonight,” He paused before pressing a light kiss to Harry’s forehead, instead of on the mouth as usual when he left for work.

Harry hadn’t really heard anything other than the fact that Draco had never needed him, and wanted them to part. It’s what caused him to make the decision he had. 

~*~*~

Harry had written his good-bye note to Draco, telling him that he wished him all the happiness in the world with whoever he had found, and that since he no longer needed Harry, in fact had never needed him, he would get out of the way, and stop preventing Draco from being happy. He also said that he was sorry to have wasted everybody’s time for the past six years by inflicting his stupid useless self on everyone, and that he hoped everyone forgave him for not having died like he was supposed to six years ago, but he had thought Draco needed him still, so he had come back.

Harry came to a decision, after he reread his last letter to his love. He left it on the table next to Draco’s dinner, which he cast a warming spell over, so that his meal would be warm when he got home. Harry had set the table with one elegant place setting, with Draco’s favorite meal, Cordon Bleu with steamed vegetables and mashed potatoes made from scratch. He had set a bouquet of white roses, Draco’s favorite, in an elegant vase in the middle of the table, with one red rose that symbolized Harry’s love. He left the elegant dagger on the table propping up the note. He made his way smiling to the bathroom. He took along the butcher knife from the kitchen that he used to make Draco’s dinner. He took his wand along. He set up the bathroom. He covered the area around the bathtub with a protective covering to prevent his blood from making too much of a mess. 

He lay down in the tub and brought the knife up and dragged it across his wrist. He watched in fascination as the blood, his blood, his life-force, welled up in beads before dribbling down his arm. He watched as small trickles made crimson tracks down his arm. He turned his arm back and forth, and watched as it zigzagged this way and that, and made patterns on his arm. He brought the knife up again, and cut his other wrist deeper, this time, and let the blood drip down his arm into the tub. He watched as it pooled in front of him. His other arm hung over the side of the tub and made a mess of crimson on the protective covering. As he stared at the bright red blood, he was reminded of the red markings on his Potions work made by Professor Snape. He dipped his finger in the puddle and wrote the word “useless” across his forehead, covering the lightning-bolt scar on his forehead. He was starting to get light-headed when he felt it.

~*~*~

TBC  
 __  
A/N: Okay, I wasn't going to post anything else until I finished the ones I have already started, but I'm having trouble with plots, so I decided to try and work on something I've had on my computer for almost a year. Let me know if I should continue this one or try and focus on one of my other fics. (But don't worry, I'm still working on Weremouse, for those that are following it.)  
Bye for now,  
Swirly ^.^~  



	2. Chapter 2: Useful?

Chapter 2: Useful….

 

He felt it.

 

A throbbing in his heart. 

 

He watch amazed as a tingling feeling started in the gut of his stomach and spread out-ward, as his wounds healed themselves. He brought his trembling hands to his stomach, and felt a magical presence that didn’t belong to him, but felt familiar. It was part him and part…Draco. 

 

He sat up with a jolt. Someone _did_ need him. A tiny helpless being that now resided inside of him, that would be completely dependent on him for the next few months, and would need him for at least the next few years. He cradled his stomach and fell asleep, dreaming of a small girl with his green eyes and blonde hair, and looked just like his Draco, pointy chin and all. He also dreamt of the past.

 

**~**

 

…….For as long as he could remember, his family had called him a freak, and that the only reason anyone would want him was what he could do for them. For the Dursleys kept him around was the fact that he could cook and clean. He lay on his cot in his broom cupboard, his fingers twitching. He had already cleaned his small space, so now he had nothing else to do. He wasn’t allowed to do his homework because Aunt Petunia said he wouldn’t need it because he was useless…

“Boy, get your lazy butt out here,” Harry’s thoughts were interrupted by Aunt Petunia’s call outside his door. He sat up and waited for her to unlock the door. Go upstairs and clean Dudley’s second bedroom. But first go finish breakfast. You’ll eat after we’ve eaten dinner.” Aunt Petunia cuffed him on the side of the head, “Are you listening to me?”

“Yes, ma’am. Finish breakfast, than clean Dudley’s second bedroom. I can eat after dinner.” Harry turned towards the kitchen his stomach growling from hunger, but he suppressd it. It usually behaved better, but he hadn’t eaten for a couple of days. He whistled as he got to worked, quietly of course, so as not to disturb the Dursleys……

 

**~**

 

…..He held a small baby with blond wisps on the top of her head. She nuzzled softly against him, seeking the nourishment only he could provide. He smiled as she latched on….

 

**~**

 

……..Harry watched as his housemates celebrated around him, smiling that he could have brought such joy to them. It was much better when they hated him for doing something wrong. Ron came up to him then, “Harry, you were great. Gryffindor wins again. Oh, I need to talk to Hermione, I’ll see you later,” Ron said distractedly. Harry smiled even larger, Ron had apparently forgotten all about their spat from earlier. He went around and talked to everybody that seemed to want to talk to him, and then made his way up to his room, and fell into a contented sleep….

 

**~**

 

…..He watched as the blonde two year old ran around the large room leading her equally blonde father on a merry chase. She finally ran into his arms. “Wuvyu, dada. Up?” She held her arms up to him trustingly, and he picked her up, just as the blonde man embraced them both, “And I love you, too.” He smiled as he was surrounded by his family’s love...... 

 

**~**

 

….“Boy, what the hell do you think your doing in here?” Aunt Petunia said coming in on Harry in the bathroom. His hand was on his penis, wanking. He had thought everyone would be gone until dinner, and he had wanted to try what all the other boys had been doing at school. She looked at him with disgust in her eyes. 

“That’s dirty!” She threw him into the shower, before turning on the scolding hot water, “Wash yourself up. Don’t ever try to do that again, you dirty boy.” Harry took that to mean that that was another thing that applied only to him, because all the other boys he knew did it, including Dudley, and Aunt Petunia never said anything to him about it. He also knew what a mess the other boys created because he usually cleaned up after them…..

 

**~**

 

......He laughed as he washed his dirty little giggling girl. She excitedly told him about her day with her father. They had been digging for buried treasure, which he had buried, in the backyard following the map he had provided the two blondes for their weekend pleasure. She made wide gestures, flinging soap everywhere. He smiled, laughing with her……

 

**~**

 

......Harry walked down the halls towards the Great Hall for what could be the last time, saying goodbye silently to all the things that had made Hogwart’s home for the past seven years. He fully expected to die tomorrow. The prophecy rolled around his head as it had for the past two years, and had finally made sense to him.

_The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches ... Born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies ... And the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not ... And either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives ... The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies...._

He had figured out that in order to rid the world of Voldemort, to serve the world best, he would need to kill him and die himself. He would be a willing sacrifice for the world he loved to serve. He smiled softly to himself as he finished his last goodbyes…..

 

**~**

 

…..His little girl was growing so fast. Soon she would be off to Hogwarts, but for now, she was his little cuddler. He smiled down at the blond pigtails that were pressed against his belly as they watched her favorite movie.....

 

**~**

 

….“Oh god, Harry, you feel so good. Tell me again why this is the first time we’ve done this?” Draco asked as he pushed into Harry. “I’ve needed you so much.”

Harry didn’t say anything, mostly because he was trying to bare the pain of Draco’s presence inside of him. But he smiled at Draco’s words. He had made the right decision in coming back to this world. He still had a use. He had been beginning to doubt his usefulness to Draco. For months, Draco had been very standoffish, but that turned to be because he had been waiting for some signal from Harry. Harry had finally asked Hermione’s advice on what to do to make Draco happy, and she had told him that Draco would probably like it if Harry showed up in the bathroom naked while he was taking a bath. So Harry had followed Draco to the Perfect’s bathroom wearing his invisibility cloak and nothing else a week before, and every night since, Harry had been doing various things he had heard his roommates talking about that they liked their girls of the moment to do to them. He had finally worked up his way to letting Draco have sex with him. He would always avoid letting Draco touching him, by telling him that he would take care of himself, and then would rush off to clean up as soon as Draco came. Draco, along with the rest of the school had come to accept that Harry was a ‘clean freak.’ 

He finally heard Draco give a roar of pleasure, before he felt his insides flood with warmth. He quickly, pulled away holding his hand over his groin area, he kissed Draco’s forehead as he fell to the bed, his eyes closed, breathing heavily, and Harry rushed into the bathroom, and quickly cleaned up. Grimacing at the blood he that came out with Draco’s semen. He cast a healing spell on himself, promising himself that if Draco continued to want to do this he would have to find some techniques to make it less painful. He thought he had heard some guys talking about ‘lube,’ so he would ask Fred or George to get him some, they would keep quiet. He quickly got dressed. He grabbed a wash cloth on his way back to Draco. He found the blond laying where he had left him, softly snoring. Harry smiled softly to himself and cleaned Draco up before clothing him and cuddling up against Draco’s side, because Draco had said he liked sleeping next to Harry….

 

**~**

 

……Harry watched the two blondes from the kitchen window as he put the finishing touches on the birthday cake for his baby’s eleventh birthday. The two were playing her new broom, riding it around the yard together laughing. He smiled at their antics, knowing the blonde would never let anything harm her…..

 

**~**

 

…..He smiled because he knew he was useful…..

 

 

_  
A/N: Well let me know what you think of this chapter. I almost reluctant to post, because it seemed like everyone has high expectations for it. This is a WIP, so it might be a while before I post Chapter 3. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, but if you didn't could you tell me why._

_Thanks! You all are really great! ^.^~_

__


	3. Chapter 3: Harry's Letter

_  
Disclaimer: Don't own._

_A/N: I seem to have confused a number of people with the last chapter. I thought I had made it pretty clear that Harry was both dreaming of the past and of a possible future. I was trying to show that Harry is happiest when he feels useful to others. I wanted to show Harry’s mindset with respect to both, but I think I failed in that respect. Someone also mentioned that they didn’t get the point of the story (?). Mainly, I just wanted to explore something different, slightly darker._

__

Chapter 3: Harry’s Letter

Draco let himself into the quiet house, being quiet so as to not disturb Harry, in case he was asleep already. He really didn’t want to talk to him. Lately he had been so demanding of Draco’s time, and Draco hoped that he would find a job, or a new project soon. He loved Harry, but he didn’t want to be around him every second of the day. Also, Harry insisted on doing everything in the house himself. He had even dismissed the house-elves, so that he cleaned, cooked and took care of everything to do with their household. Harry didn’t seem to be motivated to do anything else though. He wished he knew how to help Harry. Harry was his world and he didn’t know what he would do without him.

He stopped when he saw the dining room set up for him. This was one of the things that was driving him crazy. He loved that Harry cared so much for him that he wanted to make things special for him, but he hated that Harry felt the need to always **have** to do these things for him. He sat and started eating his dinner. It was perfect, just as everything Harry made him.

As he was almost finished, he noticed the letter addressed to him in Harry’s handwriting. He finished eating quickly, and then wiped his hands on his napkin before picking up the letter. As he did so, he noticed the dagger that was propping it up; his great-grandfather Black’s dagger that Harry had inherited from his godfather. He used the dagger to slide the letter open, and proceeded to read it; getting more and more shocked.

~*~*~*~

 

__  
Dearest Draco,  
I love you so, much. That being said, I had no idea that I was such a burden on you. That is the last thing I have ever wanted to be to you. You are my life, and I thought that you needed me, but I see now that I made a mistake in believing that. You obviously have no need for me in your life, and all I have done is prevent you from being happy. 

_I am truly sorry that I have been such a burden to you and everyone else for the last six years. I know now that I should never have come back as you don’t need me anymore, in fact you’ve never needed me._

_I will get out of the way so that you will be able to find your true happiness, if you haven’t already. I’ve only ever wanted your happiness, and truly believed, naively I know, that I was what would make you happy, otherwise I would never have inflicted my worthless, useless, stupid self on you all these years._

_I’m sorry for inflicting myself upon you and everybody else. I’m sorry to have wasted everybody’s time for the past six years, and I hope everyone will forgive me for not having died like I was supposed to six years ago. Be happy, Draco, as I have never been able to make you._

_Goodbye, and I hope you will find it in your heart to forgive my selfishness in hoping to be the one to make you happy. Please express my grief of hurting everyone with my useless presence, especially the Weasleys, and tell them I loved them even though I could never live up to their expectations because I was so worthless, that I do not deserve theirs or your love. I go now to free you of my useless self_

_Goodbye with all my Love,  
Harry_

 

The letter dropped from Draco’s hands to land on the floor. ‘God no, it can’t be. Don’t let me be too late.’ He rushed out of the dinning room and looked all over the house for Harry. He finally came upon their bathroom and was shocked to a standstill at the sight of all the blood on the floor. He rushed to the tub sobbing, his eyes blurred with tears, he slipped in the blood on the floor as he skidded to a stop on his knees. He pulled Harry’s body against his chest, “Oh, Merlin, Harry. How could you do this? I need you. I can’t live without you.” His words were oddly reminiscent of six years previous as Harry lay dieing after the battle with Voldemort and everybody had given up any hope of Harry returning to them. Surprisingly, Harry had woken up the very next day. His recovery had been swift, and he and Draco had started their life together soon after. Draco had never known Harry had only come back for him.

As he clutched Harry to him, he searched for where the blood had come from, but couldn’t find any open wounds. He rubbed the tears from his eyes and then looked at Harry’s wrists, there were no open wounds, but new silver scars on both his wrists. As Draco felt them, he realized Harry still had a pulse. He shook Harry awake then. 

 

Harry opened blurry eyes to see a concerned looking Draco kneeling over him, his white robes covered in Harry’s drying blood. “Harry, how can you not know how much you mean to me? You’re not worthless or useless. You’re the most precious, priceless thing in my life. I can’t live without you, and not because of the things you do for me, but because I need your presence in my life to make me feel whole.”

“Really?” Harry asked breathlessly, “You don’t think I’m worthless?”

“No,” Draco said against Harry’s hair. He pulled Harry out of the tub over to the shower stall and stripped them both, adjusted the temperature of the water, before pulling them into the shower under the hot water, and lovingly bathed his love, trying to show him how much he loved him. He made sure to remove all traces of blood, including the word on Harry’s forehead. “Harry, I want you to promise me, that you’ll never attempt to do something like that again. I couldn’t live with myself if something were to happen to you.”

“I’m sorry, Draco. I promise,” Harry sighed as he leaned against Draco.

Draco picked up the smaller man and carried him out of the shower before setting him down and toweling him dry. He then quickly dried himself off, before wrapping their bathrobes around both of them. He then carried Harry to their bed. And set him down, before retrieving their bedclothes. He put his on quickly, before gently clothing a nearly asleep Harry, knowing that anything else would have to wait. He also realized that he had never taken care of Harry in this way, even though Harry had done just about everything for him. That was going to change. There was no way he would let his precious treasure believe he was worthless ever again.

  
~*~8~*~  


_A/N2: This isn't beta'd, so I hope it's flowing alright. Is there anyone willing to look over the past chapters and maybe future chapters. I need a little help with some scenes. Well, hope you enjoy this chapter. ^.^~_  



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